10 store øjeblikke med Marvin Pourie

Her på Vesterbro Hardcore AGF skal vi ikke føle os for store til at lette på hatten i retningen af spillere eller klubber, der gerne vil gøre AGF rangen stridig som et galehus, og for øjeblikket kaster vi et stjålent blik mod lilleputten i Kronjylland. Vi taler naturligvis om Randers (igge).

Michael Gravgaard har fået den geniale idé at lade et kamerahold komme helt med ind i dyrets mave, og her får man så endelig bevis for, at fodboldspillere tilhører en del af samfundet, der ikke burde have stemmeret eller i det mindste burde tvangssteriliseres bare for en god ordens skyld.

Kirsebærret på toppen, Godfatheren, the icing on the cake, toppen af poppen er naturligvis Marvin Pourie.

Som en anden Rommel sidder han i toppen af en randrusiansk kampvogn og pløkker den ene godbid ud til højre og venstre. Et lille rask slagsmål her, et godt skænderi der. Det er gode løjer.

Højdepunktet var selvfølgelig den totale nedsmeltning efter uafgjort mod Silkeborg, hvor vores ven Marvin ikke var FRUSTRATED men ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

Her er hele monologen:

Was I really frustrated? No. I was absolutely pissed off.

Because what we showed in the second half is the most stupidest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole fucking career.

We were leading 1-0. I’m talking about the one goal is not enough.

And we keep doing the same things over and over again.

(Se det hele her)

Den slags kunne nok få besindige sportsdirektører til at vende blikket væk, men her på Vesterbro Hardcore AGF øjner vi i stedet chancen for at drømme om, hvor fedt det ville være at bevæge sig ud i samfundet sammen med Marvin.

Her er 10 hverdagssituationer, hvor det vil være pissefedt at have Marvin Pourie som wingman.

1. Mødet med en indsamler fra Amnesty

YOU KEEP DOING ZE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

2. Køre på rulletrappe, hvor der står folk for enden

THAT IS ZE MOST STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE FUCKING CAREER. AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

3. Forældremøde i den økologiske børnehave Søanemonen

WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR ZHREEE HOURS NOW. HOW CARES IF ZE CHILDREN EAT DIRT? AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF. WHO WANTS TO FIGHT? WHO? WHOOOOO?

4. Slå et telt op

WHY IS THIS POINTY THING POINTY IN ZE WRONG DIRECTION! THERE’S A TELTPLØK MISSING! AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

5. Aflevere skrald på losseren i en sort affaldspose

WHO ZE HELL WANTS TO SEE WHAT’S IN MY GARBAGE BAG? I’M JUST CLEARING OUT MY STASH OF ZYKLON B GAS FROM MY GRANDFATHER. AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

6. Stå i køen i supermarkedet efter en pensionist (lørdag formiddag foretrukket)

PAY FOR ZE KATTETUNGER AND GET ZE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY. WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD YET? YOU KEEP DOING ZE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

7. Være dommer i X Factor

AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF. BECAUSE WHAT YOU SHOWED IN ZE SECOND HALF IS ZE MOST STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE FUCKING CAREER. AND YOU KEEP DOING ZE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

8. Til samtale på arbejdsformidlingen

CAN I HOP? CAN I RUN? IS IT VERY, VERY FUN? NO, I TELL YOU WHAT. YOU CAN KLASK YOUR OWN GODDAMN LÅR AND YOU CAN KLASK YOU OWN GODDAMN STØVL. THIS IS ZE MOST STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE FUCKING CAREER. AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

9. Hjælpe Bonderøven med at tække et tag

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? YOU ARE LAUGHING ALL ZE FUCKING TIME IN STEAD OF WORKING. WORK YOU MORON. WØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØØRK. THIS IS ZE MOST STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE FUCKING CAREER. AND YOU KEEP DOING ZE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AM I REALLY FRUSTRATED? NO. I AM ABSOLUTELY PISSED OFF.

10. Under kontraktforhandlinger med AGF

THIS IS HOME FOR ME. WHERE DO I SIGN?